Hi World. Goodbye World.
Let's get down to brass n tacks because you don't know me.
I have a reeeeeeeeal hard time writing about myself or anything going on around me. After writing that previous sentence I sat here, staring at it, trying to think of what to write next, because, well, read that sentence. I am, at this moment, evaluating why I can't write about myself or the wedding world and am realizing it is mostly because I am really really REALLY aware of death and death is REALLY confusing. Death is heavy and no one really wants to chit chat about it, yet it is often on my mind, because I feel the need to stay grounded and honest. Remembering death helps me do this. But then I end up writing a blog post on it, instead of amazing Japanese Ranunculus and feel awkward and then deleting it and then I leave the computer to eat chips and salsa and stare out the window. Have I mentioned I grew up an only child?
Sometimes when socializing with other wedding vendors, raving about that new hip gold flatware or talking shit about that vendor who showed up late to set up, I am literally smiling and nodding and want to say, "Yeah, totally! So we are going to die someday."
Anyway, I just have to get it out there. I love creating beautiful designs and it brings me great joy to making sure what I am doing is done to the best of my ability. However, it is also challenging for me to fit into this, because it makes me turn bright red to lie, but most of the time honesty is really awkward in this field. So basically, I am constantly blushing.
So to review, death is real. I blush a lot. You can die at any moment. I love chips and salsa.
Okay, moving on, I love genuinely connecting with people. Now, with my honesty issue when I don't connect with someone it doesn't bother me at all, it isn't personal, it isn't emotional, it just isn't there. We aren't like minded and usually that is pretty obvious to both parties. I am not going to say , "Hay, les hang out gf!!!" And then never text or call or even ask for your number. I am just going to smile and that's about it. If we DO connect I am probably going to come on pretty strong because this is a rarity and I'm all about making it happen. Let's be friends.
Wedding world- When you see anyone it is sheer bliss and hugs and smiles. I am new to this and I take these actions SERIOUSLY. I am like, dang, I've never connected with so many people in my life?! Yeah.... ya girl's gettin tricked. (I am your girl in that situation). It is kind of heart breaking that so many people see you as a means to an end and when that end is met, its....crickets. Most of you might be thinking, yeah no kidding, wake up it's a Dog Eat Dog World. Or a Doggy Dog World as I used to think it was pronounced.
WELL I think that is fucked. I have never been too cautious in expressing my thoughts, new ideas, who I really am, etc, but unfortunately these experiences have consequences. I am now currently exploring how to have a healthy, productive and positive outlook in these circumstances, so here I am getting it out onto the World Wide Web. I am not okay with it and I am not playin that game.
This, of course, is not a complete blanket statement that all wedding world people are fake and using you. It is more a blanket statement that I need to be more cautious, less naive, and also I love astronomy.